He uses pillows to masturbate.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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