Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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