What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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