This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
