So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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