Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize