i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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