There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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