What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
