that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
