life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
