I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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