i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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