You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
People with herpes should wear stickers.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
