Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
