its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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