i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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