I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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