I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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