I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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