where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
