Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
