Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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