best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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