know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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