you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
