i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize