I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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