Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
honey bunches of taint.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
