we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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