1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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