There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
