Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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