A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
