I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
