Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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