I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
