I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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