I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
