i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
