So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
