Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
