i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
