Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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