Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
