Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
