doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
