After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
