please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize