There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
