Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
