Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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