Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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