I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
