I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
