before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
