There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
