I think my fart just growled at me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
