sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
