that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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