never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
