I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
