You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
my liver is dry heaving
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
