I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
