I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
