Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you traded sex for a burrito?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
