well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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