can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
