Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
