I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
