I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
