Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
