We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
