That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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