I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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