Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
