why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
