smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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