My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
