you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
