Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
false alarm. still invincible.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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