He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
